Monday, March 12, 2007
Chapter 24 Anger Management Part 1
What is anger? Is anger good or bad? There are a lot of people that would say anger is bad and they would be wrong. Anger is a healthy emotion that needs to be recognized, acknowledged and guiltlessly accepted. Negative emotions like anger are warning signs that something is wrong in our lives. They are a sign that we need to take some type of action to make things better.
No one can control their emotions. We can not control how we feel and we should not associate guilt with anger. We can control our physical actions. Only volitional or willful actions can be wrong or associated with guilt not anger itself. We need to experience all of our emotions for real intimacy with others. We can get angry with a friend or loved one without fearing they will leave us. Real love requires being real with our partner. Suppressing one emotion weakens our ability to share all the others.
An interesting thing about anger is that as anger goes up our reasoning ability seems to go down. Anger is related to pain. Pain in the future is anxiety. Pain in the present is hurt, loss or sadness. Pain in the past is anger. Anger is about something that has already happened.
The vikings felt anger was a gift of the gods. When it came upon a warrior in the midst of a battle as a berserker rage the warrior was invincible. In modern society a berserker rage is not seen as a good thing. In life of death situations it still might be.
I remember reading about a study done on Vietnam veterans with spinal injuries and anger. According to the study veterans with spinal injuries that left them paralyzed below the waist did not experience anger in the same manner as they used to before the spine injury. Prior to the spinal injury anger welled up from deep inside and exploded like a volcano. After the spinal injury anger was experienced more like a tempest in a teapot. It did not have the explosive force anymore.
This is important evidence that anger is substantial. It is an energy that travels through the nervous system and does build to explosive force within us at times. It needs a pathway and it needs to be released. It is a physical energy with a physical basis.
Anger causes somatic responses. Our body responds to anger in different ways. What kind of body language expresses anger?
Do you clench your jaw?
Get a stomache ache?
Raise your voice?
Refuse to speak?
Want to hurt someone?
Want to get away?
Become verbally or physically abusive?
Sweat or turn red?
Get sarcastic?
Does your tone of voice change?
Do you cry?
Do you shake?
How does anger make you feel?
Do you procrastinate in doing things?
Are you always late for things?
Do you have a sadistic or ironic humor?
Are you sarcastic, cynical or flip in conversation?
Do you sigh frequently?
Are you over polite or "Nice"?
Do you smile when hurting?
Do you have bad dreams?
Do you have trouble sleeping?
Are you bored with things that are usually fun?
Are you more tired than usual?
Do you get really picky and irritable with others?
Do you get tired when you shouldn't?
Does your anger make you feel guilty?
Do you feel anxious?
Do you feel ashamed?
Do you feel withdrawn from others?
Do you know when you are angry?
What is your anger like?
Does it last to long?
Does it flare up frequently?
Does it express itself even when you are trying to suppress it?
Does it go away quickly?
What does your anger do?
Does it interfere with your jobs or relationships?
Does it contribute to physical problems?
Does it lead to accidents?
Does it get you into legal problems?
Knowing your own anger and how you repond to it is very important. You need to know when you are angry so you can safely do something about it. Take a few minutes going through this list and determine if any of them apply to you. Try to decide if you have a problem with anger or not.
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No one can control their emotions. We can not control how we feel and we should not associate guilt with anger. We can control our physical actions. Only volitional or willful actions can be wrong or associated with guilt not anger itself. We need to experience all of our emotions for real intimacy with others. We can get angry with a friend or loved one without fearing they will leave us. Real love requires being real with our partner. Suppressing one emotion weakens our ability to share all the others.
An interesting thing about anger is that as anger goes up our reasoning ability seems to go down. Anger is related to pain. Pain in the future is anxiety. Pain in the present is hurt, loss or sadness. Pain in the past is anger. Anger is about something that has already happened.
The vikings felt anger was a gift of the gods. When it came upon a warrior in the midst of a battle as a berserker rage the warrior was invincible. In modern society a berserker rage is not seen as a good thing. In life of death situations it still might be.
I remember reading about a study done on Vietnam veterans with spinal injuries and anger. According to the study veterans with spinal injuries that left them paralyzed below the waist did not experience anger in the same manner as they used to before the spine injury. Prior to the spinal injury anger welled up from deep inside and exploded like a volcano. After the spinal injury anger was experienced more like a tempest in a teapot. It did not have the explosive force anymore.
This is important evidence that anger is substantial. It is an energy that travels through the nervous system and does build to explosive force within us at times. It needs a pathway and it needs to be released. It is a physical energy with a physical basis.
Anger causes somatic responses. Our body responds to anger in different ways. What kind of body language expresses anger?
Do you clench your jaw?
Get a stomache ache?
Raise your voice?
Refuse to speak?
Want to hurt someone?
Want to get away?
Become verbally or physically abusive?
Sweat or turn red?
Get sarcastic?
Does your tone of voice change?
Do you cry?
Do you shake?
How does anger make you feel?
Do you procrastinate in doing things?
Are you always late for things?
Do you have a sadistic or ironic humor?
Are you sarcastic, cynical or flip in conversation?
Do you sigh frequently?
Are you over polite or "Nice"?
Do you smile when hurting?
Do you have bad dreams?
Do you have trouble sleeping?
Are you bored with things that are usually fun?
Are you more tired than usual?
Do you get really picky and irritable with others?
Do you get tired when you shouldn't?
Does your anger make you feel guilty?
Do you feel anxious?
Do you feel ashamed?
Do you feel withdrawn from others?
Do you know when you are angry?
What is your anger like?
Does it last to long?
Does it flare up frequently?
Does it express itself even when you are trying to suppress it?
Does it go away quickly?
What does your anger do?
Does it interfere with your jobs or relationships?
Does it contribute to physical problems?
Does it lead to accidents?
Does it get you into legal problems?
Knowing your own anger and how you repond to it is very important. You need to know when you are angry so you can safely do something about it. Take a few minutes going through this list and determine if any of them apply to you. Try to decide if you have a problem with anger or not.
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# posted by banjo @ 2:05 PM 
