Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Chapter 23 Assertiveness Training Part 2
When we see a person at work or on the street do we know if they act that way at home? Do we always know how our kids act away from home? Do we act differently at home and when we are away from home?
Each individual is very complex with many hobbies, interests and life experiences. Even if we know someone very well we can still be surprised at the things they do.
We use the limited knowledge that we have about people and form images or stereotypes. We use these images to help us understand and deal with every person in our lives. Because of these images or stereotypes we are sometimes surprised when people don't respond the way we are expecting them to. We may even need to re-evaluate others and treat them differently as we learn more about them.
One of the most powerful ways to achieve our goals and to experience the things we want in life is to act, dress and live in a manner that will create the image or stereotype appropriate for achieving our goals. Through repeated exposure to the image we are projecting others will stereotype us in a manner that is consistent with our goals and treat us the way we want to be treated.
When people don't recognize the image we project the will create one of their own and we probably won't like it. Who wants to be labeled as a loser or a freak? We have to give people clues about how we want to be treated.
First we create a general image or stereotype that is recognizable to others. Then we can create a sub-category that is unique and individual that reveals more of our true inner self. We must be true to the stereotype that we project and at the same time be true to ourselves. Remember an image or stereotype tends toward self-fulfillment because everyone else constantly reinforces it. It is up to us to choose what we want to be in life.
Body language communicates far more than we ever do with words. Some estimate that as much as 90% of all communication is non-verbal. Anyone interested in true self empowerment should have a basic understanding of their own body language and the body language of others.
Here are some simple things to notice when you are around other people.
Are the legs crossed? (Is there tension?)
Preening-patting hair, smoothing shirt or dress, straightening tie.
Constant movement-can't sit still, ill at ease, is not giving you their full attention.
Hand movements-what are the hands doing, clenched or open, in pockets or hidden.
Nervous movements-tapping pencil, moving leg.
Movement toward or away from you.
Arms crossed on chest.
Ankles locked.
Relaxed or tense.
These simple things will tell you alot about a person and what is going on with them. We learn by doing. Practice some of these things with a partner to see how they feel. Take turns doing each position and become aware of how they make you feel. What things are uncomfortable? Are they things you can't do?
One person tries to maintain eye contact and the other person tries to avoid eye contact while having a conversation.
Firm hand shake
Finger hand shake
Two handed hand shake
Limp hand shake
One person tries to maintain a slumped posture while talking and the other an erect posture.
One person moves in too close to the other person deliberately while talking. Some people find this very disturbing.
One person moves too far away from the other person deliberately while they are talking. See if the other person moves closer.
One person is standing and the other is sitting behind a desk.
One person is standing and the other remains sitting in a chair.
One person remains turned 45 degrees away from the other person while talking.
The object of these exercises is self discovery. Learn how they make you feel and learn how they make others feel. Practice them and use them consciously and deliberately to be more effective in your communications with others.
Foundations Technorati Tags : survivalism, relationships, self, help, spirituality, occult, self, improvement, opinion, health, fitness, xtreme, sports
Each individual is very complex with many hobbies, interests and life experiences. Even if we know someone very well we can still be surprised at the things they do.
We use the limited knowledge that we have about people and form images or stereotypes. We use these images to help us understand and deal with every person in our lives. Because of these images or stereotypes we are sometimes surprised when people don't respond the way we are expecting them to. We may even need to re-evaluate others and treat them differently as we learn more about them.
One of the most powerful ways to achieve our goals and to experience the things we want in life is to act, dress and live in a manner that will create the image or stereotype appropriate for achieving our goals. Through repeated exposure to the image we are projecting others will stereotype us in a manner that is consistent with our goals and treat us the way we want to be treated.
When people don't recognize the image we project the will create one of their own and we probably won't like it. Who wants to be labeled as a loser or a freak? We have to give people clues about how we want to be treated.
First we create a general image or stereotype that is recognizable to others. Then we can create a sub-category that is unique and individual that reveals more of our true inner self. We must be true to the stereotype that we project and at the same time be true to ourselves. Remember an image or stereotype tends toward self-fulfillment because everyone else constantly reinforces it. It is up to us to choose what we want to be in life.
Body Language
Body language communicates far more than we ever do with words. Some estimate that as much as 90% of all communication is non-verbal. Anyone interested in true self empowerment should have a basic understanding of their own body language and the body language of others.
Here are some simple things to notice when you are around other people.
Are the legs crossed? (Is there tension?)
Preening-patting hair, smoothing shirt or dress, straightening tie.
Constant movement-can't sit still, ill at ease, is not giving you their full attention.
Hand movements-what are the hands doing, clenched or open, in pockets or hidden.
Nervous movements-tapping pencil, moving leg.
Movement toward or away from you.
Arms crossed on chest.
Ankles locked.
Relaxed or tense.
These simple things will tell you alot about a person and what is going on with them. We learn by doing. Practice some of these things with a partner to see how they feel. Take turns doing each position and become aware of how they make you feel. What things are uncomfortable? Are they things you can't do?
Eye Contact/No eye contact
One person tries to maintain eye contact and the other person tries to avoid eye contact while having a conversation.
Hand Shake
Firm hand shake
Finger hand shake
Two handed hand shake
Limp hand shake
Slumped shoulders/Erect posture
One person tries to maintain a slumped posture while talking and the other an erect posture.
Proximity Boundary/Too Close
One person moves in too close to the other person deliberately while talking. Some people find this very disturbing.
Proximity Boundary/Too far away
One person moves too far away from the other person deliberately while they are talking. See if the other person moves closer.
Standing/Sitting at desk
One person is standing and the other is sitting behind a desk.
Standing/Sitting
One person is standing and the other remains sitting in a chair.
Turned Away
One person remains turned 45 degrees away from the other person while talking.
The object of these exercises is self discovery. Learn how they make you feel and learn how they make others feel. Practice them and use them consciously and deliberately to be more effective in your communications with others.
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Who knows why one person gives up and dies while another struggles on through overwhelming odds and comes out on top? We all want to survive. But are we willing to do what needs to be done?
Foundations Technorati Tags : survivalism, relationships, self, help, spirituality, occult, self, improvement, opinion, health, fitness, xtreme, sports
# posted by banjo @ 3:11 PM 
