Modern Survivalism

Being assertive is reclaiming our own personal power to live as we choose to live. From our mistakes and successes we gradually gain faith in our ability to meet obstacles and situations creatively. With time and experience we become skilled and resourceful in awkward situations.

Everyone experiences lead feet, lump in the throat, and being paralyzed with fear. By being assertive we move past these things with will and determination. At first we are victims, then we learn. When confronted with anger, fear, pain, and anguish or when we feel these emotions we need determination and resolve to continue doing those things we want to do. This means physically going through the unpleasantness, confronting it and reaching the joy and success on the other side.

Being assertive is to take risks, do new things, and be successful at them. Hard work will earn rewards and in time the struggle and competition can become enjoyable. After many attempts we learn and become more skilled. There is no way to avoid those first baby steps and the discomfort of being vulnerable.

Being assertive takes energy. Energy is created by physically doing things. The most powerful form of learning is learning by doing. This chapter shows how to learn by doing. If possible find a partner to practice these techniques with. Practice them until you can to each of them at will. Have some fun with it.

Part one is about communication skills.


There is a normal cycle that should be followed in communications:

First the speaker brings up a subject.

The listener acknowledges by nodding, saying yes or in some manner indicating they are listening.

The speaker pauses or stops.

The listener gives feedback or acknowledges. Perhaps by rephrasing in their own words. "Is this what you mean?" "I agree." or "I disagree."

The speaker acknowledges, listens and gives feedback on the listeners feedback. "Yes, that is what I was trying to say." "No, I was really trying to say this."

When the subject is closed it becomes the listeners turn to begin a new subject as speaker and the cycle is continued.


We each process information differently. Some people use visual verbs, some use auditory verbs and some use kinesthetic verbs or feeling verbs. When we use the same type of verbs we feel like we are in tune with each other. Find out what kind of verbs you like to use and learn to use other types as well. Listen to others and learn to match the verbs they are using. It will make the communication better.

Visual: "I see what you mean."
"It is not very clear to me yet."

Auditory: "That rings a bell."
"I hear what you are saying."

Kinesthetic: "That doesn't feel right to me."
"Get a grip on things."

Obviously phrases like: "I see what you are saying." are not good practice even though we hear them all the time. We can't see what someone is saying. We hear what they are saying.


As strange as it may sound many of us don't know how to begin or end conversations. We miss out on making good friends simply by not being able to introduce ourselves. At other times we become trapped in conversations that we don't want. Practice beginning conversations and ending conversations with a partner until it becomes natural and smooth. Better yet practice all of these skills and keep them handy just in case you need them.

"Hello, my name is..."
"Hello, may I help you?"

"I would really like to hear more later when I have time."
"Can we talk again sometime?"


With a partner take turns playing each role and have some fun with it. One of you try to force the conversation and the other try to avoid it. See who wins and why.

"Excuse me. I need to talk to you for a minute."
"Hey you in the red shirt."

"I don't have time right now."
"I'm busy right now, perhaps we can talk later."


This is perhaps the most powerful technique available. Learn how to change the subject to one that you want. When someone avoids talking about your subject keep returning to it. Most people talk in a random manner with one unrelated thought leading into another. Random association is the rule. By deliberately choosing the subject you control the conversation.

"Don't you have a car like that one?"
"But what about ..."

"I don't see what this has to do with ..."
"Weren't we talking about ..."


Practice these with someone until you get good at them and see how fun communication can be.

"Excuse me, I have a 2:00 appointment."
"I've got to go to the bathroom."

"Let me finish what I'm trying to say first."
"This will only take a minute."



"I'm so happy I could scream!"
"We could have so much fun!"

"Let's do it!"
"You look really great today."


"My car just broke down and I don't know how to get home."
"I just can't seem to stop crying."

"Here's a kleenex."
"Do you have anyone to talk to?"


"I'm warning you."
"I've about had it with the people around here."

"What are you so mad about?"
"Did I do something to offend you?"


I've given some sample ideas to get your thoughts moving. Practice some of these with a partner and get good enough at them to use them in conversations at will. Each one will be a valuable tool that you can take with you. It will be there when you need it.

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Who knows why one person gives up and dies while another struggles on through overwhelming odds and comes out on top? We all want to survive. But are we willing to do what needs to be done?

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